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2005-03-14T06:29:00.000-08:00

Lessons in life are learned through the hard way. Infants fall before they walk. Children learn to fear the absolute poweress of their parents by the no so sophisocated use of the 'Rotan; or cane. Yet in love nothing abides by the rule 'once bitten, twice shy', at least this is the instance for some dimwits N one of them is yours truly.

The roots of this great misery that had plagued me for several months now trace back to three months back. Having been pricked by the thorn of such affairs b4, i was reluctant to make any initiative contacts with any individuals of the opposite gender. However when i was haphazardly forced into dancing with a gal, i tot little of it. For in my mind, such was the way of the jc and of the world. I was wrong. Though the session was relatively short, the magical moment left the unpolished, boorish and worse, sideparting longhair freak in a state of enchanment. He looked forward to another. Which came soon enough, and yet he did not understand why. It was only after the 3rd session( the disco nite) that the truth dawned on him. He had in his stupidity and unrivaled dullness, fell into the gaping hole which he had tried so painstakingly to avoid. F*** said he, the boorish garb. He knew what it would lead to, yet he persisted, he became a starry eyed and ambitious man. He sought to make himself an equal or an individual worthy to love. From that day on, the unpolished antisocial Freak set on his first step towards scaling the odds which were paramount to scaling k2. He was a hopeful dope. Yet today he learnt an important lessons. Hopes are but mere hopes. It was hope that had led to him soughting to find the way. Yet when his dreams were smashed, his hopes dashed, when he beheld the sight of the figure of his dream so simply, gracefully and worse, delightedly drew into the hug of another. The pain was shocking and numbing. He lost his senses. He tot about all the crap he has done. N he realised. NOTHING HAS CHANGED. He was still the unpolished, happy go lucky,impoverished geek in her eyes. Screwed up would be the most appropriate word to describe such circumstances. He had gloated over his eariler conversation with his Juilet. Though her comments were cordial and not exactly honeycoated, he tot that he stood a chance. How ironic fate turned out to be. One moment he was the prince, the other the pauper. He had lost all causes to be what he was.

After he reached home like an injured beast seeking its den, he was still in daze. Yet the pain had resided. He justified his actions from the previous months. There wasnt a need to get all that worked up over such a person. that was what he had tot. He had found that (juilet) her attitude was annoyingly uncanny similiar to his. He realised that he needed to change, but not for her. But for himself. He was a scourge of humanity, a scum of society. Now he was no better than a fool with no hope. But the answer remains. Why does he suddenly feel taht tinge of jealousy and anger evrytime he sees another boi behaving imiately with his friend.( or that was what he chose to address her as) ? WHy? The answer remains veiled. For it will only be him who will be capable of unmasking it himself, or he will never find the courage to pursue what he desire nor will he get rid of the burden in his heart. Such was the wretched fool. and still is.

To go al out and risk injury again? or to let tyme heal his wounds and avoid of forms of contact with the source of his agony? Only tyme will tell......

Screwed_upz

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